Last night I cut , only so he would finally see how much he was hurting me. I am so disappointed in myself. I did it for his (my boyfriend of four months) attention. Pathetic
Before You Make That First Cut…
“Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100… Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you’re locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sowing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn’t really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you’ll find something.
You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.”
If I would have read something like this 7 years ago when I made the first cut, would I have believed it? Would I have listened to it? No. But now that I have been cutting for 7 years, I’m addicted. I wish I had never made that first cut.
Sure, hurting myself makes me feel better, but only for a little bit. Then, you get disgusted with yourself. Your body is covered in scars. They may fade, but you will always know that they were there.
You can say goodbye to the things you take for granted, like tank tops, short sleeved shirts, shorts, even bathing suits. After awhile you will get tired of hiding out in a closed room and wearing long sleeved shirts.
You may think, the cuts will only stay in one area of my body. But that’s not true. You can say all you want that it will, and you can promise yourself that it will be confined to the one area, but be prepared to break that promise to yourself. When you run out of skin, you will move to another part of your body.
I swore my cutting and burning were going to stay on my arms, but it moved to my wrists, then my thighs, then my hips, then my ankles, and now my stomach.
If you hurt yourself, it WILL take over your life.
Do yourself a favor, and don’t hurt yourself. You will be giving up a lot. At first, you may feel better, but then the relief you feel starts to diminish. So you cut deeper, burn longer, or hit harder. Then it gets worse and worse. It just goes downhill.
You may think, I can control it! It’s the only pain I can control. Not for long. It will start to control you. You WILL become addicted. You won’t be able to go too long without feeling like you need to hurt yourself. It will start to call to you. You won’t be able to avoid it.
Please, think before you make that first cut. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it.
samoubijstvo-deactivated2012062 asked: i'm sure he was joking! he'd never say something mean to his loved girlfriend, i guess. you're not fat!!!
Aw yea I asked him and he said I was kidding, I don’t think your fat
thanks for the message :):)
My boyfriend called me fat
He said he was joking
What if he wasn’t
If you have any questions about anything like cutting or anorexia ect just message me :-) I’m always here
(Source: heartlessdrunk, via )
I want to be a psychologist to help people with all these feelings so they can get through life. I want to help people.